Tag Archives: self-discovery

July 31, 2011 · 3:00 pm

Happiness

I went to the Topanga Film Festival this morning to see the documentary Happy and I started thinking about happiness, the concept, the reality and the possibilities. I have been following The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin for about a year now and enjoy the daily quotes and reflections, but I wondered,  how can I spread happiness, encourage happiness and find areas in my life to insert happiness? 

Encouraging signs are popping up everywhere, for example, my husband was given the book Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert awhile ago and it was mentioned in the movie today,  and this quote that showed up today on Facebook from Weight Watchers:

                                “Life has no remote. You have to get up and change it yourself!”

So I know what I can do to make myself happy: 

incorporate a healthy lifestyle into my daily life,


                                                

read,

allow creativity to be a priority

spend time with my family

connect with my close friends

practice kindness and tolerance

Now I want to expand by giving more happiness:

sharing what I have to give

helping worthy causes

creating more happiness in my home

creating more happiness in my classroom

It is a commitment, but also a choice, to surround oneself with happiness.  It is a road I am choosing to walk.

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October 11, 2010 · 7:43 pm

A Sense of Smell

Sometimes I wonder how smells can so influence my life.  We are all familiar with the memory trigger of a well-loved song, or the feeling of looking at a picture, a snapshot of a time and place enshrined in photo paper, but smells often elude conversations of memories.

Have you had the experience of getting a whiff of a familiar perfume and having a scene from the past jump up as if it were yesterday?  I can conjure up an image, a person, a time and place when I walk into a room and a familiar scent wafts over me like a warm blanket, an old friend.  This happens to me daily when I walk into my “mothers” part of our home and truthfully, I do it so I can “feel” her through the comforting aroma of…what?  I am really not sure what it is that I smell, two years after her passing.  It is true though, and my sister backs me up on this one.  She now owns my mother’s dresser and says that every time she opens a drawer she feels mom is there.  I wander into her living room, bedroom, office or bathroom and feel a wave of sentimentality, but also one of comfort and reassurance.  I cannot bear to think of leaving the scent and happily drive her ten-year old car for the same reason.

We bask in the memories of those we love and have lost for one reason or another, a favorite recipe, coming home to a kitchen filled with the smell of brisket or waking up to fresh coffee brewing.  These are the smells I cherish.  So sometimes, I just sit in mom’s living room, gazing lovingly at her favorite books, still on the shelf (I will read them all), her tea-cup collection and the photos of her as a college graduate, a bride, a wife of 25 years, a grandmother, and breathe deeply, filling myself with memories and love.

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October 5, 2010 · 9:56 pm

Needing Less

Going gray.

Lately I have found that I am needing less.  It began with letting go of little luxuries or what I had previously considered luxuries and necessary rituals; long nails perfectly manicured, colored and highlighted hair, weekly shopping trips.  I had thought I needed these things to make me beautiful, to make me feel good about myself and to feel young, but I began shedding this fallacy last spring when I took a Victory Gardening class through UC Davis Extension.  Long nails just don’t fit with organic gardening and seemed a little anti-natural.  I had begun growing my hair out the summer before my mother died and she had said, “You are going to look stunning!”  That boosted my confidence and now  makes me remember her salt and pepper hair and her dignity.

This was the beginning-superficial looks, but I have moved on to material possessions and entertainment.  I feel good letting possessions go and it is almost a challenge to see what I can eliminate next, keeping only the items that are beautiful, have a use or are a memory.  I am finding new ways to entertain myself that don’t cost money but provide enjoyment.  Reading, writing, sitting in the yard watching birds, especially our resident doves, walking and catching up with friends provide endless opportunities for self-improvement, self-reflection and rejuvenation.

I have also found new interests that cost a bit, but the pay-off is huge. I have started the UCLA Extension Writer’s Program as a challenge to improve my writing, to meet other writers and to enjoy the instruction of highly qualified writing teachers.  I have rededicated myself to walking and exercise, I have begun a meditation practice to find inner calm and peace.

Needing less does not mean having less.  It means wanting more and finding it within.

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August 26, 2010 · 10:19 pm

Fresh Bulletin Boards

For some reason, there is nothing as wonderful in late August, as freshly decorated bulletin boards in a classroom.  For me, once the fresh paper and border are up, the possibilities loom large in the classroom.  Slowly materials make their way to their places and the room takes form.  The reading materials nestle together in a knee-high cubby in my “u” shaped table.  The handwriting blocks, pencils, magnetic boards and letter trays gather.  The bright primary colors of the carpet squares scream out, “Where are the children?”  The toys long to be held, played with and loved.  The computers hum and the rest mats lay in wait.

There is something about the beginning of school that brings with it hope, anticipation, and high expectations.  Everything is possible and nothing has happened.  Every child is eager, well-behaved and angelic.  Parents are hopeful and tearful at the same time and teachers are excited for the newness to wrap around them and comfort the nightly dreams of unpreparedness, late arrival and the unknown.

In August anything is possible, even under the blistering sun. The cool rooms welcome learning and provide a respite from the summer heat.  In August there is so much to look forward to.


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August 14, 2010 · 9:54 pm

Writing Will Commence

I started day one of a two-day writer’s workshop today, entitled Discovering Our Muse.  What a treat!  I got to spend the entire day at UCLA, with 12 other devoted writers and a wonderful teacher to guide us through writing exercises designed to get the creative juices flowing.  If I had any doubts about the timing of starting a writing program, today confirmed that now is the time.  Today I felt like me and I felt connected to the DNA that apparently established this deep desire to write.  I am still not quite sure about my eventual writing genre, but the desire to write is so overpowering that I am sure this is my path.  Today I discovered that I am more fearful of not writing, than I am about making the commitment to write.  Here is my answer to the writing prompt:  “Sometimes I’m afraid of becoming someone…”

Sometimes I’m afraid of becoming someone who never really learns from her mistakes.  My life has been a series of roller coaster rides up and down a journey of life in L.A.  The highs consisting of fantastic travel experiences, meals out at various restaurants, homes filled with “things” I thought I had to have, and weekends chilling on the California Riviera and the lows directly below with everything magically disappearing as if it never was.

Usually when one repeatedly rides a roller coaster, or drives through a winding canyon, the curves and bumps become predictable and one builds up immunity to the queasy feeling, the butterflies in the stomach and the wretched nausea implied in the words, “I told you so,” or “here we go again.”  That hasn’t been the case for me because the temporary view from the top is so engaging that my blinders go up and I have a hard time anticipating the inevitable fall.

Lately, my fear of repeating patterns is becoming stronger than my desire to bask in that heavenly glow.  My mid-life is bringing certain things into focus, such as the rapid approach of qualifying for an AARP membership, senior discounts at the movies and those early bird specials.  In my foolish youth, I was immortal and invincible.  My life’s tools consisted of a giant eraser and a bottle of whiteout, that accompanied me on my travels down my life-path conveniently wiping out major blunders.  In my young adulthood, I became the expert role player; able to emulate those I aspired to be by simply accumulating the trappings of their seemingly perfect life.  That didn’t work.  Now, I have come to an understanding that who I really am, is who I am meant to be and that the only way to alleviate the fear of failure is to accept the possibility that my path might venture around a corner and I will have to muster up that blind faith that will allow me to take the necessary chances and make the changes needed to reach my goal.

Sometimes I’m afraid of becoming someone who never really learns from her mistakes, so with that in mind, I am developing a plan, a learning curve, to teach myself how to become a learner.  I am organizing a real-life class to teach myself how to move forward without taking two steps back each time.  I am reinventing, reflecting and rediscovering the important elements in my life and working out a way to invite myself to partake in these real moments and make them my future.

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July 4, 2010 · 11:20 am

Cleansing the Body and Soul

If only it were as easy to cleanse the soul as it is to cleanse the body.  Not that the detox cleanse is without thought or a bit of work, but the amount of work it takes to confront memories, to delve into unresolved issues of the soul and to come to terms with current reality is much more complicated.  I am sitting in what was my mother’s living room on the sofa from our soon to be gone mountain cabin.  I am surrounded by an atmosphere thick with emotions and tinged with slight sadness.  This is the room where two summers ago, I sat on my mother’s couch, rubbing her tired legs, reading her stories from the StoryCorp book I got her for her August birthday.  This is where we shared secrets and memories, losses and dreams.  This is where she revealed her feelings and fears to me and while I am grateful for that time and the fact that I devoted the summer to her and really being present while with my mother, I am angry that I didn’t get more time, ask more questions and hold her more.

Loss is a tricky partner that pokes its head up at various times in our lives.  It is two-faced and can be cherished or disastrous.  Loss, as in weight loss, is usually a welcome friend not easy to obtain and the loss of toxins in the body-as in detox cleanse-is a challenging but rewarding experience.  The loss of a person, however, is heavy, pronged with memories, and unsaid words of love.  The only way to prevent these feelings for me is to participate in a voluntary cleanse of my material life, and to focus on the emotional part of my life-that which is important.

I have two categories for my personal cleanse challenge:

To Keep:

Family (relationships)


Friends (relationships)


Sentimental items

Legally required papers


Books I will read again

To Let Go:

Clothes that are outdated or don’t make me feel good

Knickknacks that have lost their meaning

Unnecessary gadgets

Unnecessary papers

Books that are a one-time read


That is a good, manageable start.  Five items.  My new motto being:  “Don’t delay, a shelf a day.”





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June 22, 2010 · 7:55 pm

Day 2-B-Well 21 Day Detox Cleanse: Focus!

What a perfect word for today:  focus.  There are new things to focus on and some old friends that hang around daily, such as my morning workout.  Today was Curves as I am alternating between the Curves workout and my Couch to 5k training at the gym.  Walks usually come in the evening but today I had the pleasure of taking Charlie on a short walk through the park too!  Have you ever noticed how dogs are so good at living in the moment and totally focusing on whatever they are doing, even if that means sleeping or staring in the distance?  Charlie focuses on every smell and sound on our walk and he takes his time, walking slowly, enjoying the moment.  He is a great teacher!

I started off the day with my glass of water with the juice of 1/2 a lemon and came back from Curves and made a bowl of oatmeal (with a little Almond Milk), coffee and strange as it sounds, I grabbed a slice of smoked organic turkey for my protein.  I took my vitamins, including a pro-biotic, and felt great!

I had two doctors appointments and got my vision checked.  It is strange that as I age, I find that I am repeating my mother’s life.  She always had multiple doctors appointments and went prepared for a few hours of waiting in various areas of Kaiser.  Today I followed in her foot steps, bringing my lunch bag with extra water, almonds and a green apple.  I am focusing on being prepared and it worked.  My mom was a smart lady!  I used to think her habits were a bit silly, but now I realize how wise she was.

A Few Habits of my mothers:

Two drawers for socks ( white socks and black socks)

Reading the paper every morning

Watching the Tony Awards

Reading

Sending interesting articles to her children

Always bringing a water bottle with her  Why is it that we think our mother’s habits are silly until we are their age?

New prescriptions, new medications to read about and new glasses ordered, I stopped at Whole Foods Market on the way home to pick up a few items on the B-Well shopping list that I hadn’t found the day before.  Now I am completely “stocked” for the week.

I came home, made a quick lunch of salad and grilled chicken and then proceeded to swim and float in the pool, it is summer after all and I must have a little fun and relaxation.  I am finishing up a fun mystery book:  The Writing Class, by Jincy Willett and taking care of a few odds and ends.

So, my pictures, are lacking because Charlie, my dog, is terrified of the camera.  At first we just thought it was the flash, but now if he sees the camera, he wants to run out of the room.  I will work on this, I promise, but honestly my meals have not been that exciting yet.  On the positive side, I am feeling great with plenty of energy and not too hungry or filled with cravings.  I do have a challenge tonight because we are going to see Toy Story 3 and I will need a big bottle of water to keep me from temptation.  19 days to go!  Focus!

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June 21, 2010 · 6:23 pm

Day 1-B-Well Detox: Smile!

Smile is the word of the day and you might wonder why I am smiling as I begin to change my eating habits, diet, and embark on this adventure of a 21-Day Detox Cleanse.

Today I feel like I am floating away having drunk about 64 oz. of water, but I digress…I started the day at 5:30 waking up and getting to the gym at 5:45 for my Couch to 5K workout.  I am on Week 3, jogging for 3 minutes alternating with brisk walking.  I am actually beginning to enjoy running and the nice endorphin rush that comes with it, giving me that great feeling for the day.  I came home, showered and made my egg with some onions, a bit of coffee with Almond Milk and took off for my last day of school before officially beginning summer vacation!


I had a snack of cottage cheese and a handful of raw almonds and a green apple.  Feeling content, I continued to drink my water.


Lunch was a bit disappointing because I didn’t really prepare as well as I should have, but we did have our staff party complete with sub sandwiches.  I ditched the bread and cheese (which I am sure wasn’t raw) and just ate the turkey, lettuce and tomato.


I had a snack at home (corn tortilla with raw cheddar cheese and a few strawberries) and am now preparing for dinner.  I think I will have a chicken breast and some veggies, salad and more water.

I promise to be a better food photographer beginning tomorrow, now that I am officially done with school and can spend a bit more time in the kitchen.  I really think I will succeed at this detox.  I keep reminding myself that it is only for 3 weeks, and that is the amount of time it takes to develop a habit.  Hopefully I am developing some new good habits.  Who’s cheering for me?  Comments, suggestions?


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April 28, 2010 · 9:09 pm

Relax

Relaxation=sanity

I used to think that it was a privilege to relax and take time to myself.  I had to have a reason or excuse, or have worked very, very hard to earn a few moments of down time.  Now I have come to the realization that I have to relax in order to do the work I do.  I have to take the time to myself to rejuvenate, to think clearly and to keep myself healthy.

Relaxation can take many forms:  meditation, yoga, exercise, solitude, a walk, reading a great book, staring into space, sipping tea with a friend, dozing on a lawn chair, gardening or napping at the beach-to name a few but my favorite new indulgence is massage.  It has taken me a while to hone in on the best massage experience and I have decided that the massage environment is critically important.  The environment can be a spa, a massage venue, or my new favorite, a therapeutic massage via a chiropractor’s office.  The important elements are:  quiet, calming music, essential oils that smell good, a  convenient location, and a reasonable price so I can participate more often.  Massage is not an indulgence, it is a recipe for health.

I feel better already!

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April 27, 2010 · 10:33 pm

Choose

We all come to a certain point in our lives where we have to make a choice that will alter our life as we know it.  The choice can be subconscious, deliberate, spontaneous or well thought out but we all face a time when we are forced to decide.  I am at this intersection now.

I am happy and comfortable in my teaching job, working with five-year-old children, inspiring them, comforting them and confronting each day with the wonder of these children, awaiting the next discovery, surprise, or a book that is destined to become their favorite.  Teaching is a wonderful career, but lately, a new seed of an idea has sprouted in my mind.  It is the writing calling me to the keyboard, to the world of pages.   I choose to write. I choose to take action to propel myself forward into the world of author and book.

My choice opens my eyes to author events, book signings, new books, magazines, and the literary circle that welcomes me with open arms.  I choose to take this path and will discover where it takes me.


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