Just A Year

 

It has just been a year but it has been so much more. It has been a year of grief and joy, of being paralyzed and times of flow.

There have been

31,536,000 seconds

525,600 minutes

8760 hours

365 days

…yet not a day goes by that I don’t feel.

 

Grief

Blessings

Sadness

Happiness

Anger

Fondness

Disappointment

Wonder

 

It has been just a year, a blip in time and an eternity. It’s a mixed bag and so much can happen in a year.

The vanishing of my life partner and best friend,

The conception and birth of a child,

The closing of a chapter of my life,

The completion of a school term,

The tremendous fear of facing life alone,

The growth of confidence,

The grief bursts and

The partial evaporation of tears.

 

It has been just a year and I have walked the path of seasons and holidays alone within arms reach of family and friends

but with an empty space beside me,

the markers of time anchors for me as I wade through the sometimes-deep waters of the unknown.

The future is still murky and mysterious but little glimpses of clarity peek through.

The paralysis is defrosting.

 

It has been just a year and the signs are still appearing.

One mourning dove outside my window in the morning, mussed covers and the feeling of presence, songs on the radio and an un-requested inscribed cake.

The feeling of being connected to something very far away, and yet disconnected floating through time.

 

It has been just a year since

Life was normal,

Life was full,

Life was complete,

Life was more known than the unknown.

 

It has been just a year but I am learning

To depend on myself

To ask for support when I need it

To go to experts for advice

To re-imagine my future.