Memories

Today my sister and I attended the Kever Avot Memorial Service, a service held during the High Holy Days.  There were moments of sadness, but also moments of comfort in the prayers, the melodies and the sounding of the Shofar.  I am not a particularly religious person, but I do enjoy the cultural aspects of my heritage and the feelings evoked by the familiarity of blessings heard my whole life.  Maybe the comfort and the feelings I get are my religion.

Today, sitting at the cemetery with hundreds of other people, we remembered our parents and other family members we have lost and of course Gary was at the forefront of my mind.  The service was a time for reflection and meditation and I was lost in my own thoughts.  I thought of the time that has passed, it has been 18 years since my dad died, almost 10 years since my mom died and almost 2 1/2 years since Gary died.  Time that has flown by and stood still at the same time.  Memories ingrained and memories tragically fading, but all the while, I hold on to the traditions I grew up with and tried to instill in my own children, attempting to find ways to pass the feeling of comfort to my children and granddaughter.  Holding on to traditions and vocalizing memories are what keep our loved ones alive in our hearts.  I was particularly moved by this poem by Rabbi sylvan Kamen and Rabbi Jack Reimer:

 

We Remember Them

In the rising of the sun and in its going down,

We remember them.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,

We remember them.

In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring,

We remember them.

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,

We remember them.

In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn,

We remember them.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends,

We remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength,

We remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart,

We remember them.

When we have decisions that are difficult to make,

We remember them.

When we have achievements that are based on theirs,

We remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live,

For they are now a part of us,

As we remember them.

Memories are difficult things to pin down and control and mine surprise me by showing up unexpectedly, a favorite song playing, a scent wafting in the air, places visited and never-ending thoughts about what could have been and what I miss so much.