Category Archives: Life thoughts

November 20, 2012 · 10:32 am

Looming New Year

 

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

― Maria Robinson

I heard this quote during my wonderful Weight Watcher’s Meeting with Michelle Jacob last Saturday, and though I have heard it before, this time it sunk in.  I have been thinking about positive ways to move on, move forward and what I want to change for the New Year.  This is often a time of reflection, my usual pastime, which is accentuated during this time of year because so many others are putting energy in the same place.  I am creating a list of changes and here is the beginning of my list:
 
1.  Write more:  I am happiest when I do this and actually have begun to crave writing time, which must mean it is really something I need to do for my soul.
2.  Practice Yoga (more often):  This is another happy place for me and one that has great physical and emotional benefits.  Turning off my incredibly active “monkey mind” for an hour a day….
3.  Letting go: This is a general category that includes stuff, emotions, weight, and habits.
4.  Look for more natural ways to heal:  A concerted effort to investigate better health through more natural solutions like Save Our Bones, meditation, and a better, plant-based diet.
5. Create what I want:  which includes manifesting, doing, writing and discovering what is important to me.
 
The past is a magnet, pulling at us to look back, go back and revisit old stories, but really, once we have learned the lesson, and gone through the emotions, what good does it do to revisit?  The quote about the past is gone, the future is unknown and today is a gift (present) is a bit overdone, but the message is clear.  For one who thrives on control, I am coming to the conclusion that I can only control myself.  My mission for this new year is to offer the gift of change to myself and see what happens.

 

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November 13, 2012 · 11:58 pm

Rye Bread

I love rye bread.  It is the essence of my childhood and just the smell of it evokes memories of  breakfasts spent lingering around the kitchen table drinking coffee and eating toasted rye bread spread with butter.  The rye bread must be from a deli, freshly sliced and warm, and it must have seeds.  There is something about the heartiness of a good fresh rye bread that feels like happiness and fills me with contentment.  When toasted, it is soft, yet crunchy with that special flavor of the rye seeds.

 

It is perfect fresh and in its natural state, as a home to salami and mustard, and spread with peanut butter and jelly, but toasted to a crispy perfection, with a thin, glistening coat of butter is my favorite.  I got a lovely loaf of rye bread at my favorite deli, Mort’s, in Tarzana, yesterday.  The aromatic scent filled the car ride home and my kitchen when we got home.   Tonight Gary and I shared an end of the day treat of rye toast.  There is nothing better.

 

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October 20, 2012 · 7:56 pm

Rescuing Potato Bugs and Other Life Lessons

 

Potato bugs are not pretty.  In fact they are pretty scary.  If I was at home I would most likely call for help, but I wasn’t at home, I was in my classroom with 25 4 and 5-year-old children who were very excited about the big “spider” on the carpet.  I had to think fast.  I grabbed the broom and a dust pan and fearlessly swept the alien creature up and escorted it outside.  Whew!

It’s amazing what can be done under pressure.  We rise to the occasion and survive one way or another, like the horrific potato bug, we adapt and make our way through life even if we sometimes end up straying out of our natural environment.  Little lessons sometime spontaneously appear in kindergarten, like all creatures deserve a place here, even if they aren’t attractive, even if they get in “our way.”

I learn lessons too, like I am braver than I think and can handle more than I might want to.

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September 25, 2012 · 10:25 pm

Why I Am a Work in Progress

Aristotle

“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”
– Aristotle
 
After hearing this quote at Brené Brown’s book talk the other evening in Santa Monica, I reflected on my ability to attract criticism.  I actually began to think of ways I could avoid future criticism and started planning a simple, uneventful life of mundane days blending into months and years of ordinary sameness.  It would be less stressful, less complicated and allow more time for chilling on the couch watching TV or working out at the gym, if I just stopped trying to create, trying to learn and the biggest one of all, stopped looking in and participating in the endless analysis of myself (thanks mom,  for that habit). 
 

Ommm

I also started pondering the possibility sitting silently during group gatherings and meetings in order to blend in and strive towards invisibility.  That, after all, would certainly allow me to get in the “Zen state” and greatly reduce stress.  I try to imagine living a simple life.  A life where I just go to a job, come home leaving work behind, sit around in the evening, maybe taking an after dinner walk with the dog and then settling in for a great evening of television followed by drifting off to sleep on the couch. 
 

An evening of relaxation.

In this way, I can surely avoid criticism, unless I am criticized for watching too much TV or for my sudden lack of opinion on anything. 
 

Remember this?

I remember my mother, getting riled up over school drama between the teachers and the District, the Vietnam war, women’s rights, civil rights and other social injustices.  I overheard her heated conversations on the phone to friends in the evenings, around our kitchen table over cups of coffee, in the living room watching Walter Cronkite, or 60 Minutes.  I grew up in a liberal, vocal, caring home.  I come from a culture of people who ask “why?”  It is in my DNA.  So, what good can come of this?  Do my questions cause others to wonder?  Do my actions help anyone? 
 

The pain of criticism.

I wonder if looking in, trying to grow, improve and learn, really services a purpose or just serves to frustrate.  Criticism is not fun to receive because it comes with that little jab of pain, like an inoculation.  It hurts with the initial puncture, and that little throbbing lump under the skin hangs around for a while to keep the memory alive.  However, like a vaccine, criticism helps build tolerance.  Tolerance to the opinions of others and protection from blending into anonymity.
 

Looking within.

Critics are everywhere and pop out at unsuspected times. They lie in wait for an opportunity to say, “I told you so” or “Who do you think you are?” or worse, the silent grimace of knowing disdain.   Critics nowadays have open forums to express opinions through social media but they can’t compete with my biggest critic.  The little critic that lives in my head.  She’s the one I need to talk to, to explain the truth.
 
My truth is that creating is as necessary to me as breathing, learning is engrained into my genetic code and looking at myself with acceptance and vulnerability is a goal I am happy to set.
 

1000 chances to make mistakes, to learn, to grow.

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September 13, 2012 · 6:45 am

Taking My Time

I am taking my time.  This is something new for me because I operate at high-speed, my Type A personality functioning best with lists, schedules, and immediacy.  I return emails promptly, phone calls a.s.a.p. and strive to fix all problems with ingenious solutions.  Breathing deeply is a struggle for me and sitting to relax usually results in immediate sleep because when my motor slows down, it just stops. 

Recently however, I have come to a realization.  Most situations are not emergencies.  Most questions do not require immediate answers and most importantly, time is precious.  So, I am taking my time.  I am training myself to breathe first, listen more carefully and ponder more often.  I have not come to this conclusion alone.  I have had many mentors along the way both virtual and those in my real life.  The books I read keep me focused on the importance of taking each moment as a special gift.

So if I take a little long to make a decision, to respond to an email, to text back and answer or to return a phone call, you now know why.  I am taking my time.

It is amazing what a little breath can do to quite a heartbeat, improve vision, sharpen hearing and to enhance perspective.

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September 5, 2012 · 9:12 pm

Why I’m not a bad money manager.

I am not a bad money manager.  I have been thinking for the past four years, that something was wrong with me, after all, why am I continually coming up short in the budget department?  Why, when I keep cutting corners, eliminating experiences and streamlining personnel services, do I keep receiving warning notices from Mint.com that I am over my budget for….food….gas, you know, little things like that? Reading David Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover is illuminating, but this summer, I realized that simple envelope systems and debt-snowballs are no match for giant reductions in income.

This summer, I was, once again, reviewing and modifying my budget, looking around my house for more things to sell or donate in a feeble attempt to live more simply, when I happened to check the State Franchise Tax Board website to be sure my last payment had been recorded.  The site has this really cool feature that allows you to see archives of the last four year’s wages earned and taxes paid.  It was then that I realized the enormity of the Los Angeles Unified School District pay cuts and furlough days. 

Between 2008 and 2009, my pay decreased $1,072.15. 

Between 2009 and 2010 my pay decreased $1,572.04. 

Between 2010 and 2011 my pay decreased $5,977.17. 

If you have been keeping up with that math, the difference between my teacher’s salary in 2008 and 2011 is $8, 621.36. 

I would add an exclamation mark, but there is nothing to be excited about. I am coming up short about $862 a month.

This is not entirely the fault of our union, UTLA, for weak negotiations with the District or the LAUSD, because their budget is controlled by the California.  This is not entirely the fault of the California because the State budget is dictated by the taxes collected in the State both income and property tax and some sales tax revenue thrown in too.  Our State is suffering, just like the country, in fact we are just a small part of the entire global economic downturn, but that down turn was caused by the few and mighty who control Wall Street. 

So when I’m feeling the pinch and thinking of second jobs, launching a business, writing material to sell on Teachers Pay Teachers and my own ebooks and independently published books, it is my effort to retain a shred of dignity after 34 years of teaching almost 600 children to believe in themselves.  It is time for me to believe in myself, regardless of whether the LAUSD, UTLA the California, the Federal Government or Wall Street investment bankers believe in the value of teachers.

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June 8, 2012 · 5:40 pm

Quick Write

 
Ah, the quick write assignment.  I would say it fits into my schedule, but it is Friday and the assignment was posted on Tuesday, school work trumps again.  The assignment is to write about  favorite place, so here goes:
 
I am lucky because one of my favorite places just happens to be minutes from my house and the place I go to most days.  It is Topanga Canyon, the little mountain community where I have spent the last 18 years, but really had traveled to for years before that. 
 
I began going through Topanga on my way to the beach so summer memories are some of my favorite.  Then, in my late teens and early adult years, I frequented The Corral to hear music and enjoy the hippie days made famous in the Canyon.  I had friends up in the Canyon and since I’ve been part of the community via the school, have made some of my closest friends in those who make the Canyon their home.
 
It is hard to imagine that a 7 mile drive from home can transport me to a place filled with the promise of calm, tranquility and scent of sage and lavender.  Topanga is that place.  It is quiet unless you consider the bird’s chirps disruptive. There are often times when my students and I take a listening walk, picking out sounds like the wind rustling through the sycamore trees, a jet flying high overhead, children’s shouts on the playground and dogs barking.  Being able to really hear these sounds and the infusion of quiet is the gift of the mountains.
 
The colors change with the seasons though there are more shades of green that one can imagine.  Flowers poke out with poppy orange, sage silver and soothing lavender bringing bursts of color infusing the green.  The shadows move about during the day highlighting different corners of the canyon and the sun’s rays catch the water sparkling in the creek, of dripping down a granite boulder.
 
Today I noticed the smell of pine wafting up the stairs as we returned from a trip to the library.  I had a surge of memories from Yosemite, the Sierras and Yellowstone, that smell reminded me of so many camping trips, waking in the morning to the pines and sitting around a campfire at night surrounded by a circle of trees.  There are other smells traveling through the Canyon, but besides the trees, my favorite is the hint of the ocean that travels up the “S” curves towards the center of the town.  Knowing that the ocean lies a meer 10 minutes west is a comforting thought.  Where else can you go that offers the best of these worlds?
 
The feeling of peace comes with the breeze, the mist in the morning, the sage scented hills and the quiet.  It is said that there exists a spirituality in the mountains, the Tongva tribe of Native Americans lived in the Canyon for years before being relocated by the Spanish to the San Fernando Mission.  The artifacts and burial grounds provide a spiritual undertone that I feel there.  Meditation comes easily there and many of my good writing ideas pop into my head on my short morning commute. 
 
Topanga is the place I feel is as close to home as I can imagine.
 
 
 
 
 
 

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June 4, 2012 · 9:43 pm

Finding Time

I am going to summer camp!  Well, virtual summer camp in the form of a writer’s camp called Teachers Write!  The camp started today with quick writes, lessons and an assignment entitled “How do you find time to write?”  That is perfect for me because other than deliberating about what to write, I am constantly fighting time to set up a writing practice.  This first assignment is filled with good ideas about finding the time to start a writing practice even starting with as few as 15 minutes.  I read the post with more intent this time having found a place to write-my new living room perched in the tree house of a house I am currently living in.  The light, the view and the different seating options make this the perfect writing room.  The assignment is to create a summer writing schedule and a school year writing schedule.  This is the first time that I’ve been in a writing group that was completely made up of teachers and I am excited to get the ideas to keep a writing practice going throughout the year.  The first task is to cut something out of my day to create the needed time.  That is a easy for me, cutting out 1 hour of TV per night will give me plenty of get started with my writing. The next part of the assignment, telling my family, won’t be too hard since all are aware of my desire to write.  In the summer I can write during the morning, but when I am teaching, it will have to be when I get home in the afternoon or evening. So, with this new found time, I am hoping my muse will arrive and inspire me.

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May 30, 2012 · 8:39 pm

Changing the Future, One 5-year-old at a Time

My warm-up return to the world of writing:

A whirlwind of emotions swept through my school this week with the announcement of a ruling allowing LAUSD to impose 5 furlough days this school year.  This announcement is on top of the RIF notices already delivered to 3/4 of our teaching staff and our principal.  Spirits are dipping and the fact that this happened during testing season, when teachers and students are buried under a mountain of tests is ironic.  While I am not impacted by RIF notices, the pay cut due to the furlough days impacts me as does the fact that I have not had a raise in 7 years, other than the increase I earn from earning my Masters Degree in 2008.  Fifty dollars per pay check.  My student loan payment is $250.00 per month so essentially I am going into debt each month for the privilege of my higher education.  How is one to keep one’s head up and carry on? 

     I decided to refocus for the sake of sanity and to feel empowered instead of dwelling on feelings of helplessness by taking a look at what I do for 7 hours everyday.  Children arrive in late summer (this year that will be pushed back to August 14th) to my Transitional Kindergarten classroom, some with preschool experience, others with no school experience or socialization skills.  They merge, and our classroom becomes a family.  This is no small feat and requires planning, preparation and daily lessons from the Conscious Discipline program by Dr. Becky Bailey.  We learn about using our “big” words (speaking up for ourselves), seeing the best in others, being helpful rather than hurtful, making positive choices, learning about the consequences of our actions, exhibiting empathy when encountering diversity and controlling our emotions through breathing.  My students follow the school rules:  Be Safe, Be Responsible, Be Respectful.  All of these social skills help the children evolve into students capable of paying attention in class, taking turns and learning.  Many of the students spend more time at school than at home each day and they look at the classroom family as a true part of their family. 

     Each day I instruct the children in phonics, math, social studies, and beginning technology skills.  They receive instruction in physical education and science, drama, art and music taught by myself or by specialists, passionate about their subject area.  What is the impact?  Children that take part in Transitional Kindergarten have more school success.

  While it is true, that teachers are in it for the outcome, not the income, a competitive living wage would be a welcome relief and a much needed moral boost.  Taking care of the people that take care of our youngest makes sense in the same way that funding educational programs for young children is an investment in our future.  It is time to look carefully at the priorities of our society and at the consequences we impose upon ourselves by allowing the 1% and corporations to suck funds in the form of tax breaks, from those in our society who need it the most:  the young and the elderly.  It is time to fund those who care for and serve the polar spectrum of our society, and who better to do that, than those making millions from the products sold to them?

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April 26, 2012 · 9:25 pm

New

     Welcome to my new blog theme! It has been ages since I have written and I am jumping back into the saddle, keyboard in hand.  The past months have been filled with letting go and moving on and now that things are settling in,  I am finally ready to start thinking and feeling again instead of just going through the motions of making things happen and keeping things going.
     I was ready for a change here too so I explored the WordPress themes and am trying this one out.  Please let me know what you think!  Comments are encouraged.   I am sitting here in my new writing space, a room with a view.  Right now I just see night-time shadows and lights twinkling in the distance but the comforting sounds of the occasional owl or airplane interrupting the otherwise silence of the night is a welcome change from the previous more populated location of our former home.  The newness is everywhere and the settling in work is constant, but I am at peace here and the hills are great to come back to.  I am just getting my feet wet tonight and I hope you are all still out there to read what I write and give me your opinions and feedback.

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