Tag Archives: relationships

13 Months: Through The Looking Glass (Reflections on entering the 2nd year.)

IMG_0983

The 21st is a hard date to face each month. A month ago I was standing on the other side, the Looking Glass in front of me, looking over my shoulder at the first year, my past, hesitating to step through to my future, but really, what choice did I have? I can’t live in the past, with regrets, and wishes don’t make the future a reality. So, I stepped through and I find myself here, on the other side, insecure in my uncharted territory with a million decisions to make and myself the ultimate consultant.

I am fine most of the time, well maybe ¾ of the time, as long as I stick to my routine. The decisions are hard, the weekends can be hard but I’ve gotten used to the nights. I’m fine and some of the time I even enjoy the time alone, to think, to write, answering to only myself. I have a home that stays clean, food that I like to eat in my refrigerator and half as much laundry to do each week. I’ve almost stopped waiting for someone to come home.

It is different here, on the other side of the Looking Glass. The world looks different and feels more uncertain, but I am trying to create a landing pad, a place to feel at home and friends to share some good times with. I am making different memories while struggling to keep the old memories alive, the good ones, the laughter, and the adventures shared. This side of the Glass has a long road stretching out ahead and I am traveling light, taking only what holds memories, is beautiful or needed, letting go of so much. Not just hopes and dreams, but also the weight of all that is carried through a lifetime.

A Looking Glass is for looking through, but once I’m through it, I can look forward and while I can’t see too far down the path, I can see a day at a time. I can plan a day at a time. I can live a day at a time, with gratitude that I have these days and that I have this path to walk on. I am fine, most of the time, but having the support of my family and friends is the buoy keeping me afloat. You’re asking, me answering, I’m fine most of the time. Thanks for asking.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under change, choice, death, grief, hurdles, Life thoughts

Why I Love Doves

The doves that live in our yard are definitely a couple, which is one of the reasons I love having them here.  They have a soft and comfortable cooing that sounds at the nicest times, like when I am quietly reading on my favorite green sofa with the sliding door open to the breeze, or when I arrive home, tired from my noise infused day, plopping down in a canvas deck chair, staring into space or as I float in the pool and look up and see the pair sitting on a tree branch, looking down unafraid.

Doves are sweet in their predictable behavior, and it is a sweetness that is comforting, reminding me of what is important in life.  I have a reminder posted on my refrigerator stating the three essentials in life:  something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.  Doves have this and of course they are living in the moment but what are they hoping for?  A life of safety, simplicity with a desire for security?

Today our adorable, family dog caught a bird that had been dive-bombing him.  Was it one of my doves?  My heart was aching for the bird and shocked at my normally friendly dog and the scene was unfolding before me.  I yelled, screamed “no” but nature and instinct took over and the bird was dead.  My dove!  As I sat, mourning my loss, an ache in my heart, I heard the familiar cooing song!  I looked up to the top of the pergola and there sat a dove.  Sadly I realized, looking for its partner.  Oh, this is heart wrenching, don’t they mate for life?  What will that sweet dove do without a partner?  When suddenly I heard the answer to the doves call…its mate was alive!

I don’t know who the other unfortunate bird was, but a wave of relief swept over me as I realized my friends were fine, sitting together at sunset and somehow I think they flew over to let me know they were all right.  Doves mate for life I think, and they build a nest, prepare for their young, raise a family and then, in their empty nest, they are together, occasionally flying in for a cool drink and a calm sunset.

1 Comment

Filed under Life thoughts