Tag Archives: life

April 12, 2020 · 3:05 pm

Looking Up: A Practice

Walking meditations are my new practice but to make things interesting,

I like to have little objectives during my walks. 

I think that is the Type A/Teacher-Planner in me. 

So recently I practiced looking up through the vantage point of trees in my neighborhood. 

 

I philosophically thought it could help me improve my mood and frustration

with being on quarantine for the past four weeks,

after all, looking up represents hope and positivity. 

       The sunlight streams            down through the leaves.

 

So I documented my practice with photos of some of my favorite trees

found on a beautiful, sunny day

walking up and down the streets in my little community.

 

 

   Plenty of blue sky above me.

 

Inhabiting the trees I saw a variety of birds, butterflies, bees, flowers, and fruit.

   Lemons

 

The signs of Spring arrive even though we are not gathering in groups to welcome it.

 

Jasmine

Flowering trees welcome bees and scent the air.

  Flowers on the eucalyptus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The iconic palm trees give the feel of a southern California beach resort.

 

  Tall stately palm trees.

 Bushy, full palm trees.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I walked in the shade of the trees, I looked up and relived memories of climbing trees as a young girl

and the freedom I felt being up high off the ground and nestled among the branches.

 

Memories of pretending to live  in tree houses.

 

Looking up is my aspiration,

but every once in awhile,

when I look down,

I find something surprising and that can be interesting too!

 

              A little snake black               slowly moving across the road.

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March 18, 2020 · 11:04 pm

Looking for Signs of Hope

I went on a walk this afternoon to look for signs hope during this time of uncertainty. Just getting out of the house, the isolation, and the feeling that I exist in a world of one, was my motivation.  Plus, trying to get to those 10,000 steps. It is not hard to find beauty in the determination of the flowers to bloom and display their unique colors, shapes and beauty leading up to Spring.  A simple walk can lead to so many discoveries.  My little neighborhood is filled with beauty, so when I walked out of my house looking for signs of hope, I was lucky enough to find all of these signs of the natural beauty in our world.  It gave me a little hope on a somewhat sad and stressful day.

This beautiful view of the valley, the mountains and peeks of snow in the far right.

 

Here is a wide view with even more snow tipped mountains.

This little flower was peeking out in a succulent patch.

This is my favorite flowering bush, the Echium (Pride of Madeira)

The succulents are showing their happiness after days of rain.

A red rose stretching up, beginning to open.

These calla lilies are so beautiful and lush. It’s rare to see so many together.

There are so many daisies!

These soft, billowy clouds floating by against a turquoise sky.

The first sign of Spring and a spot for happy bees (zoom in).

 

Back home and the jasmine is in bloom sending its sweet scent around my house.

Ahhhh, the view from my porch never gets old.

Lavender at home. The scent, the wisps, more happy bees!

Tiny blooms sending out shoots.

Everything is blooming!

Forever roses, climbing, blooming, reaching across the arbor.

The sage is growing so tall!

These beauties on my porch are reaching for the sun.

My first poppy! It’s barely opened, but it is the first this Spring.

 

 

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February 4, 2018 · 5:53 pm

Becoming Handy On My Own

Voilà!

I’ve learned a lot in the past six months of living in my home, the responsibility of doing everything from taking out the trash to hanging pictures, from paying the bills to daily maintenance, but the learning curve is steep and always there.  This weekend I though I would tackle two little tasks that had been on my mind, but not gotten done.  I needed to attach clips to hold the mini-blinds on the back door in place so they would stop swinging wildly every time I opened and closed the door and replace the hose valve.  I was feeling pretty confident, so I developed a plan for the mini-blind clips first.

I figured out where to place the clips and had the great idea to use a small bit of earthquake putty to hold them in place (since I don’t have four hands) while I marked the holes for the nails.  From experience I know that it is easier to hammer nails into a pre-drilled hole so I charged the drill battery and found a bit a little smaller than the nail and drilled a small hole.  Then, to make things really easy, I pounded in the nails part of the way, then removed them, stuck the clip on the door with the putty and carefully hammered the nails in.  It was a process, but it worked!

Now I was really feeling empowered!  I decided to take to old  hose valve off so I could buy the correct replacement valve size.  I disconnected the hose and then began to unscrew the valve when about two turns away from being done, water began shooting out everywhere!  I was soaked and there was, of course, no way to put the valve back on.  It never occurred to me that I should turn off the water to the house before I started taking off the valve.  Rookie mistake.  I remembered where the water shut off was and quickly ran over to turn it off.  It worked!  I went to the hardware store to get a new valve, remembered to ask about wrapping silicone tape around the pipe to seal the connection and headed home to finish my repair.

I did it!  Wrapped the pipe, screwed on the new valve and voilà!

These might seem like small accomplishments, but for the majority of my life, I have depended on someone else to do these little things for me.  Sometimes the pressure of being the one to do everything seems like a lot, but other times it feels like liberation.

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May 21, 2017 · 9:28 pm

13 Months: Through The Looking Glass (Reflections on entering the 2nd year.)

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The 21st is a hard date to face each month. A month ago I was standing on the other side, the Looking Glass in front of me, looking over my shoulder at the first year, my past, hesitating to step through to my future, but really, what choice did I have? I can’t live in the past, with regrets, and wishes don’t make the future a reality. So, I stepped through and I find myself here, on the other side, insecure in my uncharted territory with a million decisions to make and myself the ultimate consultant.

I am fine most of the time, well maybe ¾ of the time, as long as I stick to my routine. The decisions are hard, the weekends can be hard but I’ve gotten used to the nights. I’m fine and some of the time I even enjoy the time alone, to think, to write, answering to only myself. I have a home that stays clean, food that I like to eat in my refrigerator and half as much laundry to do each week. I’ve almost stopped waiting for someone to come home.

It is different here, on the other side of the Looking Glass. The world looks different and feels more uncertain, but I am trying to create a landing pad, a place to feel at home and friends to share some good times with. I am making different memories while struggling to keep the old memories alive, the good ones, the laughter, and the adventures shared. This side of the Glass has a long road stretching out ahead and I am traveling light, taking only what holds memories, is beautiful or needed, letting go of so much. Not just hopes and dreams, but also the weight of all that is carried through a lifetime.

A Looking Glass is for looking through, but once I’m through it, I can look forward and while I can’t see too far down the path, I can see a day at a time. I can plan a day at a time. I can live a day at a time, with gratitude that I have these days and that I have this path to walk on. I am fine, most of the time, but having the support of my family and friends is the buoy keeping me afloat. You’re asking, me answering, I’m fine most of the time. Thanks for asking.

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December 22, 2016 · 9:01 pm

Hawk Watching & Halos of Light

hawkYesterday, marking 8 months, sent the hawk to watch over me as I sat at my desk, paying bills, checking the emails coming in and contemplating my life as it is now, a long floating journey to an unknown landing. The hawk, who usually lands at the top of a nearby towering pine tree, landed in the tree closest to my window, closer than ever before, and sat contemplating me in between gazing at the landscape. I felt protected somehow.

Each month that goes by brings new challenges and just when I think I’ve gotten a grip on things, a new mess is dumped in my lap. Does it really take a year to get things straight? I’ve been told many times to wait a year, that it takes a year to get used to things, to settle things and to figure out a new place in the world. It feels like forever at eight months.

The hawk stayed watching me for over an hour perched in the tree. I felt his presence and it was somewhat comforting, making my day less lonely. The house was busy last weekend, with a visit from my eldest daughter and my youngest, my little granddaughter. It was family filled, busy, chaotic and reminiscent of the many family gatherings over the years as we all came together to introduce little Margie to friends and family. My daughters surprised me for my birthday with a homemade chocolate raspberry cake (our family birthday tradition) and everyone sang. During the singing, as Nicole videotaped, she noticed a halo of lights moving around me and near the cake. Of course it was a reflection of the candles, but yet, it hovered near me, above me and next to me during the singing of Happy Birthday. It startled Nicole and when we watched the video the next day, we were all a little teary and speechless.

fullsizerender-28Sometimes there are things that can’t be explained. Sometimes the longing for what was is overpowering. Birds appear, Honda Pilots escort me as I drive, lights appear, and yet, as I fall asleep asking for a little help getting through all that I am dealing with, it is harder to feel the connection. I want to believe that I can communicate with my partner of 37 years because how can such a strong connection be gone, even with the separation of time and space? It seems so much stronger than that.

I am dealing with the messes, the stuff, the remnants of odds and ends left undone in the wake of a sudden departure. I am tired of “adulting” as Danielle calls it. I am tired of being the only one to deal with the complications in my life that used to be shared. Divide and conquer. Now I’m left with cleaning up the works in progress that Gary left. My life, without these, seems painfully simple and I suppose one day, it will be.

The holidays are a particularly challenging time when the aloneness is in juxtaposition to the blatantly obvious togetherness and celebrating going on everywhere. It is possible to feel alone even in the middle of a group of people and it is especially hard during this solstice, the darkest days of the year. The cold, dark night sends me to the couch to get under a blanket and zone out watching television.

I am looking forward to the return of the light, the coming warmth and the signs of spring to come. I am hoping that I can have a rebirth too, and enter into a life that feels more like I fit in somewhere, that I can make new, happy memories and land on a solid foundation.

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January 20, 2011 · 8:57 pm

Nothing is ever simple.

 

Some days are just like this.

 

Life sometimes grabs you by surprise, and when you least expect it, just when things are rolling nicely along. a moon pops up just as you are jumping for joy.  Today was that kind of day.  I am a bewildered cow today, just hanging on, waiting for the recuperating weekend.  I have taken to bribing myself with special evening and weekend rewards-just for making it through the rest of life, you know, the driving in traffic, working, managing a house and finances, not to mention the extreme amount of maintenance it takes to keep up appearances.  My reward preferences are:

*A lingering visit to the gym that includes not only the mandatory walking and lovely yoga, but a special sauna and nice long, on someone else’s dime, shower complete with Kiehl’s soap and shampoo.

*A facial, anytime, anywhere.

*A massage, ditto.

*A pedicure (OK, I guess it is obvious I want to be pampered)!

*A walk on the path between Will Rogers Beach and the Santa Monica Pier (I am saving up for a cool cruiser bike)!  Advice anyone?  Best brand, best seat, gears or no gears-I’d like to take it to Mammoth to cruise around this summer too.

*Sitting in the movies with my hubby, escaping into an adventure, another place or another person’s life.

*Reading a good book.

*Writing while sitting on my worn green sofa with the holiday lights that frame my window casting a soft glow.

*Dozing on the above mentioned sofa with my darling dog, Charlie (he is the reason the sofa is worn and we have given up getting him to stay off the sofa) who is spoiled beyond belief, but also very helpful in helping me achieve my 10,000 steps as his favorite reward is to have me get up and walk over to the sliding door to let him in and out every 5 minutes.

So, the mug in the photo, with the bewildered cow, belonged to my mother.  She often encountered the surprises of life, and rewarded herself with a cup of coffee and the chance to read anything and everything.  I miss her, and the talks we had in the afternoon when I got home from work.  She was an ever-present ear to my venting and even if she tired of hearing me vent, she never made me stop until I was finished.  I miss that unconditional love, unending companionship and understanding.  I still talk to her, but the part I miss the most, is the advice and answers she held for me.  Sometimes, the answers to my ponderings are whispered to me by a little voice I can only assume is hers.  When your DNA is entwined with that of another, it is inevitable that the connection is permanent.

 



 

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