Tag Archives: waiting

Stuck

I have come to the conclusion that I am stuck. I have the best intentions to move forward and began by taking one step at a time but now I find myself immobile. I have lists of things to do, drawers to clean, cabinets to sort through and decisions to make but I can’t seem to get off the couch. I can get off the couch to go to yoga, to make a quick stop to Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods, to meet up for coffee, breakfast, lunch or dinner, but I can’t get off of the couch to tackle my list.

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It seems endless and even sorting through an emotional box of memorabilia doesn’t make a dent. I am completing the unseen cleaning, the insides of things that don’t take up space whether or not I have emptied of the contents. Of course there are drawers a bit too scary to open because I don’t know what I will find that will trigger a flood of tears.

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There are the meaningless items that in theory are easy to dispose of; the last remaining boxes of large size Baggies my mother had bought and we had brought with us when we moved, the boxes of decorative strands of garden lights and the unneeded BBQ items from years of outdoor entertaining.

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There are boxes of camping items, expired batteries, and some games saved from the days we used to play family games. There is a desk filled with office supplies, useful duplicates that most likely can be given away, and endless electronics with their accompanying power cords, speakers and mice that have to be properly recycled at a difficult to find unknown location.

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I am baffled by the 40-year-old collection of tools including drills, a collection of screws, nails, hooks and boxes of cords of all kinds. I don’t know what to do with these things. I have 10 pound and 15 pound hand weights that I will never use (but I’ll keep the 5s and 8s). I’m stuck.

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I’m stuck in the transition of us to me.

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Filed under change, Life thoughts

Holding On-On Hold

FullSizeRenderToday is the third day in a row I have waited on hold with the Social Security office. I have received different information from every person I have spoken to and all insist I must talk to the original clams specialist with whom I met at my office appointment. The problem is that person omitted information, which caused me to file a claim incorrectly. It’s a moot point though since she will not pick up her line when I am transferred to it, answer messages from the interoffice system sent by the kind lady who answers the phone for questions, or return my calls from voice messages I leave or from the messages sent by the nice phone lady. The claims specialist’s mistake could potentially cost me thousands of dollars. I have sent in the needed paperwork but haven’t received confirmation of their receipt.

This is the 10th week I have spent making phone calls, being placed on hold, inadvertently (or perhaps purposefully) being disconnected and speaking to endless bureaucratic workers who really have no interest in me, my confusion or my grief. As the weeks slip by, I’ve memorized the music played by each institution as I wait on hold. I’ve been listening to the same music now for 25 minutes, but I know it oh so well from the many previous sessions.

This is the 50th day (not including weekends of course) I have spent wading through paperwork, trying to understand things I don’t understand easily and those I don’t want to have to understand. I am unraveling a life entwined and trying to get a grip on how to survive on hold.

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Filed under hurdles, Life thoughts

21 Day B Well Detox: A Lesson in Waiting

Off to a healthy summer!

I am taking the leap of faith and spending the next 21 days in a sort of waiting or holding pattern while participating in the bwell4life 21-day cleanse. What am I waiting for?  I am waiting for the feeling of lightness and health.  I am waiting for the ability to stick to something that is healthy and restorative.  So come along via my blog on this journey with me, or join in!  My goals are:

detox

establish a fitness routine

revamp my kitchen food contents

feel “light”

commit to wellness

start my summer on a positive note

I will post pictures of my new yummy meals, and note my progress.

Waiting is a challenge in this time of instant gratification when even a slightly slow Internet connection is cause for agitated huffing, but I think the things we wait for become more meaningful to us.  There are numerous saying about this:

“Good things come to those who wait.”

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.
Joseph Campbell

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
Carl Sagan

Waiting is mysterious because at times, we don’t know what we are waiting for, we just have a “feeling” that we are waiting forsomething.



Waiting for “the other shoe to drop,” my life to begin, a positive change, what is due, what I deserve…the list is endless.  What if we stop waiting and take the first step?  What if we make change happen?  We can wait for the change to emerge, for the change to become habit or for the change to show, but taking the first step and being the catalyst for our own change is the best way to start the wheels of change moving.


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Filed under change, Life thoughts